returning home

returning home after months of sailing away and living away from the life that i had loved and hated is like a burning torch that makes me want to continue playing in this game. i am no athlete. but it seems that playing games with people around me is my everyday life now. it is tiring. much more than running in a marathon. everthing seems to be dragging me backwards. i've been fooled. i think everyone was. and they all tried to fool each other that they weren't fooled by the foolish. i don't belong here. who belongs here? they, who made our life misserable trying to shoo the fooled away.

my rusting neurons. i wasn't told that brains aren't needed here. i f i knew then i could have lent mine temporarily. maybe that'll make me some money. i better get going and push away the mob blocking my way. it's not worth the life. it's not worth five years of bloody nights drafting pseudo design. it's not worth three days of nerve snapping board exams. i knew i deserve better than this. who knows i really deserve better? or is this my punishment for wanting so much too soon. for not labouring enough for the things that is keeping me working like maniacs does. or for just wanting things itself.

it is the 30th of November three hours from now. count down 22 days and i'd return home. finally.